It's been 4 months since my last entry and it's to be expected ;p I am so poor doing this journaling thing but I want to document my life more often so I don't forget my log in creds here haha! anyways I have been down with a fever over this weekend due to food poisoning ;; it was so bad that I got so sleepy during the day. I'm just glad my body was able to fight off the bad guys and now I'm able to eat a bowl of no flavor congee and able to open the PC to rant about the situation lol I'm so bummed that I wasn't able to play FF XVI this weekend but I want to take it easy because my AU trip is gonna be this week! insane innit? haha

Anyways my first few months of 2025 is not good but not bad I mean

I saw SVT! but no carts for day 1 :(
My birthday then I got a warning letter from my building lol
winless zeta during kickoff :(
AU biometrics then I got sick for 4 days
My debit card got blocked after helping a friend
peanuts x starbucks hunting
wonu enlistment ;w; my meow meow
Got food poisoned for eating fast food but had food delivered to me tysm delivery service

The ups and downs of life are what really shock me the most, it does not leave me like...a good day per se, it would have like a weird L package deal coming from afar, but I guess what matters most is we are here, we are here, we are here.

I also have not been touching my weeks, let alone my midori bujo, for that matter. I'm really disoriented these days. I don't know what's stopping me from just carving time to jot down, or just log in and yap about things. I mean this would benefit myself in the long run because wow, she has lots of good days despite catastrophic days. lol

I really want to feel each day is something new and everyday can be a new phase. fuck work let me tell you, it doesn't get any better from here lol so I just want my life back from the hobbies I love and care.

Lately, I have been into notion! So far, I'm enjoying its use but sometimes it overwhelms and limits me because it does get complicated. I have been contemplating if I should resurrect my nekoweb but I'm yeah haha I don't think I'm up for it yet so dreamwidth is like the perfect balance of what I want to do lately. I want to carry forth the grace I deserve and take it easy when days get really tough, rough and tiring. But also, have the courage to challenge myself to toughen up, roughen up and get happy energy afterwards. ♪

Mentality may go through growth pain as well
"Don't stress too much and be yourself"
If that was so easy it wouldn't be a worry
Well I will try to laugh tomorrow
In the end, it'll be okay
The world is a dancehall
I want to do my best to search for love beside you
-Dance Hall, Mrs. Green Apple

A toast, to all the things I became and all the things I did not. -- tumblr oscar-still-wildin

After all this, take care now!

Mood: to slay
Listening to: Dance Hall - Mrs Green Apple

Hello once again and I really don't know my state of being at the moment. lol! Can you believe that it's already December? :o
So many changes happened after my last post and where do I begin, really?

Life has been full of colors, maybe it's the ones I adore or I dislike. As days go by, I try to process these feelings slowly but somehow I cannot keep up.

On work

My feelings about work has worsened, the environment is just so toxic lately and I cannot be in this mindset every time I go there. It's so mentally exhausting to mask all these ill feelings because one, I don't half ass my work but the circumstances pushes me to do so. I just want out. I have been working since then but it's the first time I really dislike going. I find no meaning in going, and I just stress myself out to find that meaning. I just want to rewire my brain to just disconnect myself from work and keep afloat until I save up so I can quit ;p

However, quitting for me is such a hard thing to do because I don't believe in quitting -- it's cause I always have to see through everything I once started despite the challenges. I don't know where this stemmed from but maybe it's just me and my Capricorn energy kicking in haha! I must divert this energy to my new adventure!

New Adventure

This year's theme might be change since I have encountered many evident ones this year! I also don't know how to feel about change, half of my heart is happy with any change because yay something new but half of me don't want to fck with any change since the outcome can be unpredictable. But with this new adventure I'll accept, I just have to be really really persistent and brace myself for impact.

I want to further improve my QOL as this is the last month of 2024 and want to discipline myself to keep up with it until next year. Squeezing in exercise everyday and not forget to eat well might be the first in my priority because maaan I gained so much from stress eating ;[

Before the year ends as well, I'll take my PTE! I hope I can pass it knowing I have the most basic english skill lately lol. This is what I get from not reading (visual novels included!!) much and not journaling often. I really blame my work for this. haha :[ I hope I can document my new adventure journey here hehe! please Eureka, hold on to these promises to yourself.

Updated look

I updated my blog colors too! It's more vibrant so I hope there will be more updates in the future if I feel like it. Color palette here! My last day of vacation ends today so I'm kinda happy I was able to post some updates to unload my brain of thoughts lol

To end today's post, here's a poem I found yesterday.

Don’t Hesitate by Mary Oliver

If you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy,
don’t hesitate. Give in to it. There are plenty
of lives and whole towns destroyed or about
to be. We are not wise, and not very often
kind. And much can never be redeemed.
Still, life has some possibility left. Perhaps this
is its way of fighting back, that sometimes
something happens better than all the riches
or power in the world. It could be anything,
but very likely you notice it in the instant
when love begins. Anyway, that’s often the case.
Anyway, whatever it is, don’t be afraid
of its plenty. Joy is not made to be a crumb.

\\ Always bask in the joy of little things. take care now!

Mood: creating things
Listening to: Romancing Cruise - Switch

You know my feelings are getting overwhelming when I have (resurrected) set up my blog to cement this uncertainty! I know I'll eventually get over this but let me just air it out once and for all.

( Read more... )

Personal post aside, may this small space in the void be an invitation to finally start some game ~~brainrot~~ thoughts! While I love the analog style I'm doing now, it still feels different when it's here. Otome games really rewire my brain because just last week, I have no ~thoughts~ but now, hey, I'm writing again and hopefully I can publish a self-indulgent fic lol! Time to manifest and pray to the ao3 gods that I can see this through ><

I feel so much better now, weirdly enough! Writing really helps me find my balance, and process whatever the universe throws at me.

Blogging and speaking my mind in a void unknown has been a frustration of mine ever since I was young - many trial and errors have happened, from Livejournal, tumblr, blogpost, you name it! But here I am trying once more in the hopes that I can still spark some fire in my heart to start over. When life was about to knock me out, I saw a tweet / blog that really resonated with me! (thank you so much lelouch.dev)

I feel I offer nothing since there are:

no grand fireworks display when I do something
no social media worthy pictures when I do my daily walkies
no inspirational shit to share with you

but no matter how mundane it gets, somewhere around the world, a person may find comfort that there is someone like them who feels the same way. I think that put a smile on my face despite that Thursday being a total shitshow. May you find the comfort in the mundane as well, dear reader, whoever you are.

Take care now!

Mood: from everything
Listening to: Safety Zone - Lee Hi

Where the light touches ✨

Turning a new leaf

Rewiring

Don’t Hesitate by Mary Oliver

Uncertainty lies

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