Uncertainty lies

[moonlightpeach]

You know my feelings are getting overwhelming when I have (resurrected) set up my blog to cement this uncertainty! I know I'll eventually get over this but let me just air it out once and for all.


Enter your cut contents here.
August has this weird push and pull energy with me now that I think about it. I tried my best to revive this space for myself (thank you 2021 self for predicting that I'll eventually forgetting my pw lol) and stumbled upon my old written journal entries and it's...something! lol This month would always find a way to bug me when I thought I have shit together. Work and Life has been really outweighing each other.

Current Feelings 


It's been rough at work knowing the impending changes and with my current tasks basically being put in the backroom; my almost 2 years of striving to be part of something, will now be wiped in a flick. It sucks how the team really tried to make ourselves be valuable and the fact that we would always have to weather the storm of doubt and waves of incompetency.

Now the storm will subside, but the doubt remains within my heart. I know I have done what needs to be done but it still leaves me sad knowing that my hard work is not seen as sustainable and valuable. I know at the end of the day, work is still work but to think I spend most of my days at work, it will get to you one way or the other, right? I know that this moment will not matter in a few years but I hope the lessons I'll learn from this experience help me push forward.

On What I want to do


I have been mulling over my JP lessons for a while now, and thought that do it because time will pass anyways. "It will take me years before I can actually use JP confidently" Yes, that's true. but time will pass anyways, so might as well do it. When thinking about the why, I hope to consume the media more smoothly, the lyrics to my favorite songs, the games that make me happy, to know what my oshis talk about on a daily basis. But y'know, I bear in mind that it will always have a down side because I would no longer filter what I understand from the language; meaning I will see haters and L takes, but that's part of life, I guess? That may only push me to select the community I want to belong, myhaps! lol I am already yapping aren't I?

Personal post aside, may this small space in the void be an invitation to finally start some game brainrot thoughts! While I love the analog style I'm doing now, it still feels different when it's here. Otome games really rewire my brain because just last week, I have no ~thoughts~ but now, hey, I'm writing again and hopefully I can publish a self-indulgent fic lol! Time to manifest and pray to the ao3 gods that I can see this through ><

I feel so much better now, weirdly enough! Writing really helps me find my balance, and process whatever the universe throws at me.

Blogging and speaking my mind in a void unknown has been a frustration of mine ever since I was young - many trial and errors have happened, from Livejournal, tumblr, blogpost, you name it! But here I am trying once more in the hopes that I can still spark some fire in my heart to start over. When life was about to knock me out, I saw a tweet / blog that really resonated with me! (thank you so much lelouch.dev)

I feel I offer nothing since there are:

• no grand fireworks display when I do something
• no social media worthy pictures when I do my daily walkies
• no inspirational shit to share with you

but no matter how mundane it gets, somewhere around the world, a person may find comfort that there is someone like them who feels the same way. I think that put a smile on my face despite that Thursday being a total shitshow. May you find the comfort in the mundane as well, dear reader, whoever you are.

Take care now!